It’s often in the face of a tragic event, such as the train and bus collision in Ottawa last week, that we pause and reflect on our lives and the interconnectedness of our existence.

Ottawa is small and I estimate that most of its residence are within three degrees of separation of one another.

It was important to me, as a mental health and social justice advocate, to take a moment to write about this and to encourage everyone to continue to send positive thoughts to the friends and family members of those who were affected by last week’s tragedy… and any other tragedy in which lives simply end sooner than anyone expects while leaving their loved ones in grief.

On 9/11, it was also World suicide Prevention Day. I attended a lecture at the Royal Ottawa Mental Health Centre. I learned that most countries in the world continue to classify suicide as a criminal act and, therefore, incarcerate people who attempt suicide and ban any public talks or events aimed at creating awareness about any topics related to suicide. In Canada, suicide was decriminalized in 1972. We can now work toward better preventing it and support those who are courageous enough to name it.

Whether it be by accidental tragedy, intentional suicide, or the taking of one life by another, certain events seem to always have us take a moment and wonder “what if that had been me?”. Our degrees of separation can be a source of support and strength. Or, should I say, our degrees of proximity and close-relationship to one another are.

The Executive Director at my work place said it best: Hug your family members a little tighter tonight and take a moment to appreciate what you have.

Anger gets a bad rap.

It’s actually not all bad. Ask some of the teens I work with to list the up sides of anger and they will look at you with a puzzled expression as though you are crazy to even suggest that such benefits exist. The only benefit that they sometimes come up with is “when I rage, it’s a release”. That release then creates the problems though.

When I get angry, I go into this weird internal dialogue as I battle with myself to suppress it, hide it, fight it, pretend it’s not there, and turn the blame toward myself. Anger produces guilt as though being angry = I am a bad person. Why? because I am one who struggles with fully embracing the up sides of anger – the messages that anger often gives. I even find myself apologizing for my anger, before I have even expressed that anger is in fact what I am feeling. Problem is, the truth always comes out. It’s bizarre and yet, I see that pattern in a lot of different people. Maybe raging is healthier? The ragers wouldn’t say so. What is healthy and constructive?

Messages that the actual emotion of anger communicates to us include: our boundaries have been crossed, we are giving more than we are comfortable giving, our needs are not being met, our emotional safety has been compromised, we are not communicating a truth about something, someone is cramping our growth, and we are avoiding dealing with an important issue in our lives.

So… a healthy expression of anger is as simple as being in tune with the message that those intense rage feelings are communicating, listening to it, and doing something about it to honor what you are actually experiencing and the impact it’s having on your well-being? Right – so simple. We first need to develop the skill of being really honest with ourselves and in tune with our bodies – Not so simple.

Gabor Mate, M.D. and author, shared his perspective at a lecture I attended. He talked about how one of three things often occurs. 1) A healthy experience and expression of anger would involve a situation where a person is angry if and only when an actual threat is present (threat being one of the messages listed above). When the threat is gone, as a result of having done something about honouring our needs, the emotion itself dissipates as well. 2) The problem is, we all have baggage. Some more than others perceive a threat and get angry about it when it’s not actually there. For example, assuming someone is taking advantage of us when they aren’t. Or, jumping to conclusions based on projecting our past history onto current circumstances. In cases like these, the work that is to be done involves sorting through that baggage, letting go of past hurts, checking in with reality, and changing our patterns of response whenever that perception of threat starts to emerge. 3) Resentment – When we make ourselves sick by hanging on to the emotion of anger long after the threat has been removed. We resent, punish, hold grudges, and poison ourselves only to gain this sense of righteousness about how we’ve been wronged.

Conclusion: The healthiest form of anger is only experienced in the actual presence of a real emotional threat. The threat is gone – so is the anger.

In any kind of mindfulness-based approach to emotional regulation, the task at hand involves simply allowing the emotion of anger to just be there without reacting to it or acting on the thoughts that surface; to just experience the bodily sensations fully and completely to become aware of the message it’s communicating. Then, taking appropriate actions to change the situation. Eventually, the anger dissipates. It can’t last on its own. Nothing ever does. The experience only persists when we get attached to the mental cognition – the story – that the bodily sensations represent and ignore what that emotional experience is actually trying to communicate.

As long as no one says “just calm down!”.

Nature Deficit Disorder. It’s the new rage. It’s the new Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity-Disorder. It’s a first world problem, in our first world urban societies, where a blend of various socio-economic and cultural populations mix and segregate themselves amidst a bombardment of technological and material stimulation. We – kids, people – are deficient in nature and a sense of connection.

On Facebook the other day, I saw a post that a few friends had spread around that was a picture of a black board in a coffee shop that read “No, we don’t have Wi-Fi – Talk to each other”.

The number of times I have wanted to delete my Facebook account, throw my iPhone away, run into the woods for a few days, and sell my car… The number of times a friend/family member/ client has told me they want to delete their social media accounts, throw their phones away, escape the city, leave their lap-tops behind, and sell all possessions… The numbers are high and the funny thing is, many of us do it, take a break from it all, and then come right back to it once we have had a bit of space to breathe and once we feel grounded again and re-crave that access to social inclusion that our innovators have so creatively designed.

How easy it is to get consumed and swallowed up by a world of innovation that is fueled by greed and capitalism and all the possibilities that are promised for a life of happiness via advertising and testimonials. The innovation, technology, and creative material designs we humans have come up with are brilliant. unbelievable, actually. The problem is, many of these creations have brought changes to the way we relate to one another, to our surroundings, to the food we eat, and to the way we care for ourselves and others. Some changes have been good experiences, and others not so good.

8 year old kids don’t need cell phones. Teens don’t need to spend their evenings on facebook spying on one another and plotting their drama for the next day. Schools don’t actually need smart boards cause they don’t actually improve the level of education the students receive – teaching, curriculum revisions and engaged social interactions improve the way kids/people learn.

I advocate for greater connection with nature as I sit here blogging about it.

I feel better when I am harvesting potatoes.

Today, I will make salsa.