I’m not joking you, I have literally had this ridiculous thought before. Maybe I don’t use the word spandex. Not only has this idea crossed my mind, but I’ve gone to the extent of spending an hour in lululemon trying on a variety of yoga apparel at $80+ a piece, only to ditch everything in the change room and rush out of the store in a fluster as my thinking shifts to “what the hell am I doing? I already have tons of spandex!” (again, maybe I don’t use the word spandex… I just think it’s funny because that’s what they are: fancy, expensive spandex).

Brené Brown is a writer and research professor at the University of Houston – Graduate College of Social Work. She writes, researches and gives talks on wholehearted living and its relationship to topics such as authenticity, shame, vulnerability, and courage. I’m giving a silly example of my weird neurotic thoughts of purchasing something material to make me feel more worthy, competent, and credible as a yoga teacher, but trust me when I say I have much deeper examples that come down to the same idea of sacrificing my authenticity at times for the approval and acceptance of others. I think we all do it to some degree in our own ways.

The thing is, when we choose being liked over being real, we tend to feel small and depleted. Yoga pants (or whatever it is for you) have nothing to do with who we are – they may just make us look good… Spandexy pants certainly have nothing to do with how I teach yoga. Yet, the association is still there and fueled by our individualistic, consumerist culture. I know that and you know that. That’s why I rushed out in a total frenzy and gasped for air once I hit the pavement outside the store. It is in our nature to cling to this need to fit in at times in our life. I would like to distinguish fitting in, however, from the notion of belonging. Fitting in involves effort and is driven by a mistaken belief that belonging is about being liked. Belonging comes from feeling connected to ourselves and others on the sheer merit of being who we truly are – with all of our idiosyncracies intact. Belonging is a need. Trying to fit in only creeps up on us when that need for belonging is not being met (or when we perceive that the need is not being met).

In her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of who You Think You are supposed to Be and Embracing who You Are, Brown jokes about how we should be born with a warning label that states “Caution: If you trade in your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief”.

You can learn more about Brené’s work through her most recent Tedtalks:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

Believing that we are whole and complete just the way we are takes tremendous courage. No one actually cares what spandex you wear.

The World Health Organization defines the social determinants of health as “the conditions in which people are born, grow, live, work and age, including the health system”. The WHO attributes persisting health inequities – the unfair and avoidable differences in health status – to social conditions which are shaped by the distribution of money, power and resources. Health inequity is something that is very real in today’s existing systems on global, national, and local levels. Yoga, as we know it in our western culture, has become an amazing source of health promotion and well-being that is unfortunately not equally accessible by all. If we trace yoga back to its roots, we can make a strong distinction between Yoga and the Yoga Industry.

How do we overcome the barriers of health inequity? If we look at yoga as an example of a practice that demonstrates incredible holistic health benefits, how have we come to a place where it’s something that is mostly practiced by people who can afford it? Yoga studio owners are business people who need to keep the studio alive by setting competitive prices. Yoga teachers and therapists are professionals needing to earn a living. The disciplined self-practice of yoga takes a certain level of emotional stability and overall health. The reality is that there now exists a divide between those who participate in the westernized yoga world and those who don’t – or can’t. The divide is attributable to the same social determinants of health that are responsible for the inequities in any other of the systems that rely of the distribution of money, power, and resources.

Community yoga classes that run by suggested donation, teachers volunteering their time, and community agencies/schools finding the funds to offer free yoga programming are among some of the ways in which a sense of equity is being brought to the practice. At Adi Shesha Wellington West Studio in Ottawa, we offer a community yoga class at a 5$ suggested donation on Sunday afternoons. Teachers have been volunteering their time and a wonderful community is building around the initiative of making yoga more accessible for all. If you live in Ottawa, come out and practice with us. Wherever you live, work, practice, or teach, there are many opportunities to help break down these barriers. Thank you to all of you who volunteer your time and thank you to all who work toward making our health systems equitable. You’re amazing! (even if you only have thoughts of wanting to contribute).

We are all full of contradictions. We say one thing and do another. We do one thing and say another. What we are truly committed to, however, shows up in our actions, not our words.

Lately, I have been feeling stuck in a ridiculous conflict with someone for a few months. I keep saying I am “committed” to doing whatever it takes to resolve the issue, move past it, and let it go. My actions, however, would indicate that I am committed to quite the opposite – hanging on to my self-righteousness for dear life and maintaining the unpleasantness that comes with it. And that’s where I/we suffer – in that feeling of stuckness that belongs to and is created by no one else besides ourselves. Sound familiar to anyone? In situations like this, we need to really ask ourselves: “What am I not being authentic about?” Often, it does come down to a commitment to being right and making others wrong. Other times, it’s a commitment to some other ego driven stance, such as being better than others or saving face; maybe even a commitment to maintaining negative versus positive emotions that are so engrained in our habits. Either way, we display a lack of integrity and the truth is always revealed in the actions we take.

The secret is, everyone else around us can see right through it. I know I can when I see it in others.

This notion of turning to our actions for the answers about our commitments applies to any kind of goal-directed behaviour, really. Some say they want to lose weight as they scarf down a bag of potato chips. Maybe you’re someone who spends a lot of time bitching and complaining about something in your work or home life without ever actually doing anything about bringing solutions to finding a state of happiness and freedom. Have you ever been that person who can easily list all the things you need for your own well-being and yet, you engage in activities that produce feelings of guilt and deflation? I often talk about the fact that I can’t “afford” the trips and activities that I miss dearly. And yet, I’ll find myself spending an equal amount of money on other things. What is that all about? I did one 7 day solo hiking trip last summer. That one, I was committed to.

When you feel stuck in a conflict with yourself or another, observe yourself in motion. What outcome are you literally moving towards? In other words, check in with your integrity and uncover what it is you are not being truthful about. Let us consider this as the New Year comes upon us and we think about our resolutions. We call them resolutions for a reason.