Lately, I have been feeling stuck in a ridiculous conflict with someone for a few months. I keep saying I am “committed” to doing whatever it takes to resolve the issue, move past it, and let it go. My actions, however, would indicate that I am committed to quite the opposite – hanging on to my self-righteousness for dear life and maintaining the unpleasantness that comes with it. And that’s where I/we suffer – in that feeling of stuckness that belongs to and is created by no one else besides ourselves. Sound familiar to anyone? In situations like this, we need to really ask ourselves: “What am I not being authentic about?” Often, it does come down to a commitment to being right and making others wrong. Other times, it’s a commitment to some other ego driven stance, such as being better than others or saving face; maybe even a commitment to maintaining negative versus positive emotions that are so engrained in our habits. Either way, we display a lack of integrity and the truth is always revealed in the actions we take.
The secret is, everyone else around us can see right through it. I know I can when I see it in others.
This notion of turning to our actions for the answers about our commitments applies to any kind of goal-directed behaviour, really. Some say they want to lose weight as they scarf down a bag of potato chips. Maybe you’re someone who spends a lot of time bitching and complaining about something in your work or home life without ever actually doing anything about bringing solutions to finding a state of happiness and freedom. Have you ever been that person who can easily list all the things you need for your own well-being and yet, you engage in activities that produce feelings of guilt and deflation? I often talk about the fact that I can’t “afford” the trips and activities that I miss dearly. And yet, I’ll find myself spending an equal amount of money on other things. What is that all about? I did one 7 day solo hiking trip last summer. That one, I was committed to.
When you feel stuck in a conflict with yourself or another, observe yourself in motion. What outcome are you literally moving towards? In other words, check in with your integrity and uncover what it is you are not being truthful about. Let us consider this as the New Year comes upon us and we think about our resolutions. We call them resolutions for a reason.